Slipping

I didn't want to get a place with my mother in law. I thought I could suck up my feelings for a year. But after talking with her last week I realized I would be putting myself in a position to get hurt if I lived with her. She told me to move home and not get married. That deeply hurt my feelings. So I changed my mind. I told Kyle I can't do it. Because I can't. I felt miserable after that talk. But I feel worse now.

She came over again last night to talk. She wanted me to reconsider. I calmly defended my point and she kept pushing. In the end, I just got fed up trying to be nice and told her my opinion. I don't think a parent should rely on their child to rescue them. I don't think a grown woman should do that. I didn't like being bullied and I don't feel comfortable living with or near her. I said if she just needs a little time then she should go to a women's shelter until she's up on her feet. Not use her children for that. It is not their job. I tried so hard to leave Kyle out of this. But at the end, she asked him what he really thought about this. He stood by me and I feel like absolute poop for getting him into that position. I almost wanted to up and leave so none of this would happen again because of me. But I don't want to leave Kyle. I love him with my whole heart. She then proceeded to storm off and leave. She said she had finally met her match. Then when I said I didn't want Kyle to have to choose she said "yes you did. You finally got what you wanted". That isn't true. I wanted to say no to living together then move forward in a healthy relationship with her. But that wasn't an option for her. She had to try manipulating the situation.

I held my ground and I'm glad I did. I'm just slipping now on my hold of everything. I feel depressed so deeply I didn't want to move to pee this morning. I keep flashing back to her yelling and I'm tormented by the position I got Kyle into. I feel so so horrible because I promised I would never do that to him. I appreciate him standing behind me with my choices and everything so very much. But I feel like he shouldn't have to pick a side. And worst of all is that I don't know how to make it any better.