Feeling Wanted and Needed

I have gotten to see Kyle everyday for the last 4 days roughly. I love this quality time together. I feel like I'm really getting to see him as a person and I love watching our relationship grow. Everyone who has seen us together says we're really cute. I like that.

School is kicking my butt. I seriously want to quit senior seminar. Ugh.

Sunshine makes me happy.

Also, I feel like life is good and I'm letting myself accept that without waiting for the other shoe to drop. It feels good.

Uh oh

So apparently, writing a thesis then supporting it with evidence is not the way to write a paper. According to my professor, you explore the text and the thesis comes out of that exploration. I did not know this.

He proceeded to make me feel like shit by saying why that's been ok up to this point he doesn't know but I'm not supposed to ever write that way. Ever.

So now image fragile emotion Hannah in singletons office near tears trying desperately to grasp a concept that he thinks me an idiot for not knowing so he's not explaining it. That was what happened.

Thankfully, I made it out without tears, but burst into them in the hallway. I feel stupid.

wednesday

Ugh.

AHHHHHH

I dislike Kyle being sick. We don't get to talk as much and I physically hurt for him. I wish I could help and I can't and it sucks...

Also, my nails are so long now that they are affecting my ability to type. Gerr.. I refuse to cut them....

rough day

life has not given me happiness in great amounts. I have been unlucky and gotten hurt a lot. friends have left me and my heart has been crushed.

I'm jaded. I know I am. I love that song too.

because of this, I get so terrified when  good things happen. I literally have burst into tears multiple times today out of nowhere.

I love Kyle. but part of me is so scared of loving him and getting so hurt again. I just want to cry every time he holds me now. and I'm so scared of him leaving that I'm clinging so hard and it is going to wreck things. I need to find a way to reassure myself that it'll be ok.

Mak courtney and I got our triple apartment. I'm really excited! :) but also not sure because its more good news.

also this weather is killing me. I have felt so depressed I had a moment today where I seriously considered just giving up and jumping in front of a train. that concerns me.

I'm just waiting for the bad because I don't know what to do when things are this good. so its been a rough day.

ugh. monday.

Ick. It's monday. That day of the week when you just wanna curl up in bed and wish the world away. I have so much school work to do still and I'm just tired.

I love spending the weekends with Kyle. It's amazing to get to spend time with him and watch our relationship grow. However, me being me, I get very anxious when I come back to school again. I miss him and I find it hard to switch from girlfriend mode to schoolwork no fun hannah mode. It causes a noticable rise in my anxiety that I highly dislike.

Also, Kyle is sick. I wish I could make him feel better. I hate the smile being missing from his face.

Also also, I got really scared yesterday because I realized that now that Kyle knows I love him, I'm vulnerable to being hurt. I talked to him about it and it's all ok now, but the worry is still there. I just don't want to fall super in love with him then have him leave. But, I know he loves me too so it should be ok.

love

These four small letters mean so much. They tell our family how special they are. They tell us how God is unconditional. They give you the best butterflies when they come from someone you feel that way towards.

Love exists in every human tribe on earth. Poets have been trying to capture it for centuries.

I expected love to be crazy head over heels reeling into something unknown. But really, love is one of the simplest things. When you're with the right person, love just happens. It grows and strengthens from the bond you have with someone. It doesn't need grand gestures. Love is when you look at someone and in your heart you smile.

I am lucky to have found someone who loves me. I am lucky to have someone who looked me in the eye and said he's been fighting saying those three words but they almost slipped out. I am lucky to hear those three words come from him before they came from me. I am lucky to have a man who I know is going to be here for me. I love you Kyle :) happy one month and I can't wait to see where we go together.

One Month in and Going Strong

It's officially one month since Kyle and I started dating. I know it's not a big deal, but in one way it is. We now get to be dating on Facebook. Now I know that it's just the internet and who really cares anyways, right? But, it's a way for me to get it out there, to all those people that ever doubted me, that I'm in a happy relationship with someone whom I genuinely care for and who genuinely cares for me in return. So happy one month to my adorable handsome guy and I'm looking forward to adding many more months to this one.

another video cause I'm lazy and write too much homework.

I apologize for the scary face...

Consistently the best...

Kyle makes me happier than any guy I've ever known. He comes over last night and orders Dominos with me. (I have the biggest love affair with their pizza. I can't even explain). He helped me figure out a topic for my seminar paper. And this morning, when I was majorly stressing about my interview, he got me to laugh and relax and work through preparations so I'd feel better. He is consistently the best. :)

Also, I got my presentation grades back from before break... Two A's! that makes 40% of my grade now an A. Weight off my chest for sure!

So time to get dressed and deal with the rain/sleet crap outside. Fun.

Being On Time

Starting the Weekend Early!

I'm free from class on Friday and Kyle is off work so this little lady gets to spend some quality time with her bf! I know the whole sleep over thing bugs my parents, but I'm a big girl and I'm alright. I get to spend tonight, saturday, and sunday night with him. :) I'll be doing homework when he works and getting to know Kelsey better. So, it's looking like a good weekend. Plus Mak gets some quality alone time with her bed which I know she'll love.

false alarm

So this whole, back on homework not stressing out thing, totally false. I have zzero motivation. ugh!!

video blog! haha