rough day

life has not given me happiness in great amounts. I have been unlucky and gotten hurt a lot. friends have left me and my heart has been crushed.

I'm jaded. I know I am. I love that song too.

because of this, I get so terrified when  good things happen. I literally have burst into tears multiple times today out of nowhere.

I love Kyle. but part of me is so scared of loving him and getting so hurt again. I just want to cry every time he holds me now. and I'm so scared of him leaving that I'm clinging so hard and it is going to wreck things. I need to find a way to reassure myself that it'll be ok.

Mak courtney and I got our triple apartment. I'm really excited! :) but also not sure because its more good news.

also this weather is killing me. I have felt so depressed I had a moment today where I seriously considered just giving up and jumping in front of a train. that concerns me.

I'm just waiting for the bad because I don't know what to do when things are this good. so its been a rough day.