Well...

In the midst of a "where the hell is my life going" crisis I realized a few key things.

1. I deserve a real relationship. Not an open one. So that came to an end.

2. The fact that in 2 years from now I will hopefully be in grad school hit home. I'm a tiny bit majorly freaking out over how I have to become an adult in the coming years. Yikes.

3. I have to figure out what I'm going to do with my life... Again, yikes.

4. Being sick in a three hour massive mind drain literary and cultural theory class sucks.

5. I haven't thought about Chris in an "I miss him come back to my broken heart" way in a week. Yay me!

6. I love my life. :)

Wish Trees On Campus

There are wish trees on campus today. Beautiful neon strips of paper to write wishes on. It made me think, "what do I wish for"

My wishes (In no particular order):

Free tuition (and paying off my debt already)
Another trip to Disney World
A guaranteed job after Grad school
Grad school acceptance
Finding a Grad school with a clinical psychology program
Health for all my family
My cat to be healthy and with me at school
A pet snake
Jeans that don't make my ass look huge (my butt is taking on epic proportions. time to hit the treadmill)
Lot's of shoes
To meet P!nk
Every Johnny Depp movie on dvd
To meet Johnny Depp
To meet Steven Tyler - probably biggest wish ever...
A job at Disney World
Perfect class schedule
No more anxiety
Chris to stay gone
To fall in love again
Snow with no cold weather
A better immune system
A truck
To visit the 1970's
Unlimited Diet Coke and Starbucks
A huge stuffed Tigger
A huge closet!

So that's a rough idea of my very selfish sounding wishes.

The President Hanson hate day...

The sheer amount of protest today over President Hanson's letter about the University not taking a stance on the marriage amendment is ridiculous. Hamline University is dedicated to an open learning environment that respects all students and faculties posititions on the issues in our world. The University made the right choice in my opinion. I feel it is disrespectful to protest and verbally attack everyone on campus today because you disagree with the anouncement. President Hanson and the Board of Trustees are making a choice in the best interest of the University and it should be respected.

If you are in strong support either side of the marriage amendment, then speak out. Go door to door, the capitol, or even rally on campus. However, this is not about "discrediting marriage" or "human rights" it is simply the University saying, we don't get a vote so why should we have a stance?

Ahh. Coffee. And happiness.

Lately, I have felt my mood rising. I'm becoming comfortable without Chris. I smiled today when I realized that an old song came on and I didn't feel sad. I'm ridiculously proud of  myself for being strong and not giving in. I'm allowing myself to be happy and boy does it feel good. For so long I've felt like I was't allowed to feel happy after losing the man I loved,  but the truth is, he's just a boy. There will be more. Eventually I will find one who loves me inside and out and is comfortable with me. Until then, I am happy. I will attract more attractive bees with honey than a jar full of tears. :)

Also, Starbucks has become a problem. I need, Need, NEED coffee everyday now. Welcome to adulthood lol

Hair?

I read a blog post of someone whom I greatly respect. It was about a haircut. I do have to agree, long hair oozes sex appeal, beauty, and confidence. I had a phase a few years back where I chopped off all my hair into a very VERY short bob. Cute, but not me. So, for the last few years I have been steadily  growing it out. Despite the fact that my hair grows like snail paced, it has finally reached the top of my armpit. I have been caring for my hair like it is gold. I barely ever heat treat it or dye it. The ends are a sad shade of a once blonde and are dispicablely horrendous. However, it is my beautiful hair and as it grows and I trim it to keep it healthy, I will be back at brunette in no time.

It truly is amazing though, I blow dried my hair yesterday instead of letting it do it's own thing and the amount of compliments on my hair amazed me. I see how some people can subject their hair to that everyday. The compliments abound!

But, I digress. Inspiration has left the building. Now onto writing papers for school. Ugh.

Sometimes I feel left out of the loop.

I'm going to call people out. Be prepared.

Mom - miss her texting me everyday like she used to. I'm left out of what's going on with my family and my poor cat

Friends - don't ever text me to ask me to do anything. Its always invite Mak and never me. Boo.

Katie - you get to read my almost daily blog posts. You get lax and don't post yours! I get you're busy, but so am I. Try a little for me.

My open relationship friend - I am trying to see you. This is harder than I thought.

Chris - finally gave up trying to talk to me. Thank goodness.

So there! :p

Happiness is allowed. No need to be scared.

I don't know how to be happy with a guy. I get scared when I start to feel happy because that might lead to me getting hurt. Damn Chris broke me.

Today I smiled at a text again. I smiled and laughed and joked with a guy I genuinely like. That to me sounds like a recipe for disaster. But I shall chin up and enjoy it now and if something goes wrong I know I can make it through.

I mean I made it through a living hell on earth with Chris. If they set off a bomb I think that'd be easier than the Chris scenario again. Thankfully, I learned and now know not to believe in someone with my whole heart. Humans are fallible, the only real trust is in the self. My mind can be a place of peace. Meditation is teaching me this.