Sleep and sun downing

Sleep is a fundamental part of being human. Our bodies require mass amounts of rest to function at the level they need to when we're awake. Sleep repairs tissues and resets digestion and pain. Sleep allows the mind to fold in on itself and process the stimulation and information from the day. Sleep allows production of serotonin and dopamine. It allows our brain chemistry to regulate.

Towards the end of the day, our body begins to give us signs we need sleep. We yawn and rub our tired eyes. We stretch and feel the fatigue in our bodies. Our brain releases melatonin and tells us we are tired. Our brain also begins to inhibit the function of our decision and impulse control. We lose the ability to think and act rationally as the sun sets everyday. For some this causes laughter and giddiness. For others more pensive quiet reflection. And still, for some it causes magnification of depression, feelings of loneliness, and anxiety.

In patients with dementia and alzheimers, the effect of symptoms worsening at night is called sundowning. I postulate though, that this effect happens in all people, especially those with mental health concerns preexisting.

This explains why, the later I am awake, the more I creep on Facebook on the profiles of those who have scorned, hurt, or rejected me. This explains why I feel sad when I crawl in bed. This explains the difficulty in holding the pain inside long enough to fall asleep without crying sometimes. I sundown every day. I am more apt to text boys I shouldn't (Chris) and say things I shouldn't (like lets hang out evil ex boyfriend that ruined my senior year and continues to be an asshole going on three years later) and be disappointed in my lack of contact at night (getting mad and begging when said asshole can't hang out (thank god)). I am then mad at myself for a poor choice that, yes I made the choice, I now regret. My defenses were down and I can try to excuse it but I can't. I made a fool of myself in trying so hard to talk to and see asshole. I am ashamed of my failure and I feel saddened by the disappointment from some readers. But life moves forward continually. I am always learning. I was doing well when his number wasn't in my phone. I feel it needs to go away again. Poof! Gone.

So sleep is vital and sundowning happens. I will get my sleep to minimize the poor choices that a tired and lonely Hannah makes.