Always Dreaming

I am always dreaming of tomorrow. I am always wishing for things to be what they aren't now. I always want to move forward. I never stop and look at where I am. I am always pushing forward to the next thought. My writing is messy because I think faster than I can write. My school things are always stressful because I look at what is coming. My conversations generalld have no filter because I am always just speaking and moving to the next thought.

Last night, I laid down and I was going to think about a boy and as I tried to consider my past with Chris, I realized I pushed away the past so much. I realized I was running from what I was. I am always me. No evil past can change that. As I sat expecting to cry over Chris, I just realized it wasn't worth it. I don't need to lament over yesterdays and the distant past. I don't need to analyze what he is doing in my life. I don't really need him at all. He wouldn't be able to handle the mature me for very long anyways. He's too immature for who I am now, inside and out.

No more running from my past. I am not jumping to the future either. I am going to stand where I am and just spin in circles and smile as the snow falls around me. I am here and that is all I can control and worry about at the moment.