Pain

Tonight, I sit awake shaking and crying and so anxious it hurts. I am so alone right now. I am so in need of a real date with a nice guy who's got it all together. I miss chris in times like this because all I really want at this moment is to just call him and hear his voice say it's ok. I miss having him to always go to to run away from problems. Being a grown up and handling everything yourself sucks sometimes.

But I am a grown up. I am mature enough to realize I will make it through this. The pain will subside. I will be back home soon. I have stuff to focus on until then. I can be ok. I don't really need anyone. I know the difference between wants and needs. I don't need chris to make me feel better. I can play games to distract from the panic. I can do relaxing breathing to help calm my body and mind. I can start reading for school. I can making collages for my friends. I can work on my own novel some more. I can focus on other things and be productive despite the panic. I don't know how always, but I know I sure as hell can do it.