Why am I being so critical?

I am having a wonderful time with Kyle. He's amazingly sweet. He's funny. We get along real well.

Yet in my head, I'm critical of everything that isn't just like I want it. I'm frustrated with how he tells me about his day then when I go to talk about mine he seems to not listen. Often times, I'll say something like "you know?" and he just doesn't answer. I can hear him talking to Kelsey (his sister) in the background half the time we're on the phone. It's dumb, but like if you call me to talk, talk to me, don't just expect me to sit there on the phone saying nothing. I mean, he may do that because he's comfortable with me and just likes to know I'm there to talk to. It's sweet. I love how much we talk. However, I would like him to pay a little bit better attention to what I'm telling him. We're still getting to know things about each other and I'd like to build good communication too. That being said though, whenever an issue arises, he always very calmly talks it out with me. I respect that so much. It makes me feel so much better whenever we talk like that because I know we're both communicating and working through things. I guess, the every day talk could be a little bit more attentive on his end. I am a big "let's talk about it" kind of person. I spent an hour last night talking things out with Mom. I'd love to be able to turn to him sometime and say "here's what's on my mind.." and have him listen attentively and then help me work through it. It's early, but if he is going to be with me for any length of time he's got to come to the realization that I need to talk stuff out. Even if it is just telling about the cute dress I bought at the mall and how I'm excited for him to see it. (I think I've told him that three times already, but he hasn't acknowledged it yet). I have no complaints when we're together. I have no troubles with anything but the on the phone conversation where I just don't feel heard. Hopefully he gets it sometime.

I also have to acknowledge that I may be looking for trouble because every boyfriend I've had hasn't really been this great by any means. So, I may be critical, but I think the frustration is real. It may just be that I discovered this annoyance by prodding for problems, but regardless of how I discovered it, it is there. I'm sorry Kyle. I'm obsessive and my brain goes wacky sometimes. Poor guy is going to run away screaming someday.

School is crazy right now. The amount of things I'm expected to do over break is crazy and I'm gone so it has gotten crammed into the little time before and after I leave. It's stressful.

Also, for those readers out there who don't know, I'm putting off grad school for a year after I graduate. I just don't have the time to study for the GRE to a point where I feel confident at the moment. I know where I want to apply and what I need to do for it. All the research is done, but I need a little time to collect myself after graduating a year early so I can settle myself into grown up life. I'm unsure about moving away at the moment anyways. I don't mean to be cheesy, but I also would like to give Kyle and I time to grow before just running off and having to break things off. If we're still together when the time comes to make those choices, then we can talk about it and maybe work it out so we can stay together. I want to be sure that everyone is aware that I'm not holding up my plans for him. And I sure as hell won't change my plans for him, but I am considerate of him being in my life. Anyways, that is a good year from now.

So, I leave for Washington in like 8 hours. The good excitement has finally settled in. I'm giddy about getting on that plane and having an adventure. Building houses will be hard work, but it is the most rewarding kind of work I could be doing.

I will try to post updates on here so that everyone can stay in the know without me having to tell the story twelve times. Kyle hasn't gotten my blog yet, but I might send him a link so all you readers out there be nice to the new member! :P

Now to finish up some homework and away I go!! :)