anxiety

I said I would get scared and run away. I don't know how to do relationships. I don't understand what and what not to say. I am so strong on my own and I don't know how to include someone else in my independence. Yet, I hate hurting people. I know I hurt ian and idk how. I don't understand what I did or said.

On top of that, I'm beyond anxious tonight. Unless you have anxiety you couldn't understand. It's like someone is binding my arms to my sides and tightly wrapping my chest down. I can't seem to move anything but my eyes and hands. My hands still start to shake and my stomach and chest seem to shiver from cold, but its pure adrenalin in my system. I look everywhere and can't seem to see anything. The air feels like water in my lungs because its so thick. It is almost like waking up still in sleep paralysis and trying to move. My body conflicts with my mind. However, my mind is scared and terrorized by all these tormenting thoughts. "Did I finish enough homework today? Should I have started my laundry? Are all my friends ok? Did I eat enough today? Should I plan my clothes for tomorrow? How far ahead should I get this weekend? Will being ahead make the anxiety go away?" Stupid things for most people are literal obbsessions in my mind. I can't seem to find any sort of peace today so I do the only thing I can... homework.