a little scared.

So things have been great lately. Life is moving along swimmingly. However, I am getting this nasty little inkling of fear about some things. First, classes are crazy busy. I have no free time whatso ever. It sucks. But I like most of my classes. Second, I am getting along great with paige. We're chill and she is cool. I've gotten more calm and I've drawn the line between her and me. I plan to stand by it. Third, and probably most importantly, there is Ian. He is an absolute great guy. He's sweet. He holds doors open for me. He never goes for the obvious sexual comments or anything derogatory. He is sweet and offers to just cuddle all the time. I have a serious case of the crush butterflies and its crazy. I honestly feel warm and fuzzy inside. However, this terrifies me. I haven't cuddled with someone since way back in senior year. Snuggling requires a level of intimacy that I am absolutely positively deathly shoot me in the face kind of scared of. I love hanging with Ian, but I have this internal fear that I can't really express. So instead of working on the intimacy, I make sexual comments and flirt and tease so I don't have to confront the scary intimacy that's growing here. How am I supposed to tell Ian that despite how much I love being in his presence and getting his hugs, but I'm not ready for that first kiss yet. I'm not ready to really cuddle. I'm very scared and I know my scared is going to hurt him so how do I tell him without hurting him? I don't want him to go anywhere. I just need him to see that I am not comfortable with moving forward yet. Just let me stall a bit here and get comfortable again. I'm very scared. And a scared hannah makes for a very cranky, emotionally moody hannah.