I took out my gages. I apologized to Kirsten who I hurt more than anyone. My life is not what I've been living. Weekday drinking, gaging my ears, going out for pizza when I have no money, considering skipping class, putting off homework readings, daydreaming in class, that is not me.
I can attribute a lot of it to my environment with Paige in the room, however, I need to own my own faults. I could have said no at any point in time. Until tonight, I didn't see just how idiotic I was being.
I made a choice tonight that was very stupid. I decided to flash a friend in public outside. I was a little tipsy, but that is no excuse. I did not know there was a camera behind my friend until they told me afterwards. My breasts were captured on camera. Grant it, it is dark, late, and fuzzy resolution, but I still feel uncomfortable about it. There could be serious consequences to a funny joke. This made me realize just how off the wagon I was. Now, I can begin to correct.
No more drinking. Period. It is a bad idea and leads to poor choices. No more going out. After talking to Kirsten tonight, I realized that it is not who I am. And that is ok. It is ok to stay in and be comfortable and confident in who I am. I don't need to go out to be happy. I also learned that having one true friend is better than having many friends. I love my friend group, but off all those I hurt, Kirsten matters most. She supports and cares more than anyone. I know I will have the right kind of peer pressure around her. I can make the right decisions with her and not be judged. This is important.
Gauging my ears was cool, but dumb. It hurts, looks punky (which I'm not) and is generally stupid. I will not make a stupid choice like that again anytime soon. Hey mom and dad, it made me second guess all my tattoo plans. Lucky you guys. :)
So in general, I ended my valentines day with my best friend being my valentine and determined to get back on the right path in life.
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