This isn't giving up. No, this is letting go.

For almost 2 years now, I hung on to a belief in my deepest part of my heart and soul that Chris and I were meant to be together. I never quit loving or hoping for another day with him. I learned to put up a front and hide my feelings. I didn't ever cry in front of anyone over him for a long time lately. But, now I need to get a true new start. I am lonely and it is of my own doing partially. I shut people out and keep them at bay so that I can love Chris and so that I don't get hurt. I have to let go of those feelings. I run to him whenever I get lonely, sad, scared, anything. I can no longer depend on him being my back up. I deserve better than just his backup and he shouldn't be mine. I deserve to love someone the same way I loved Chris. I should be free. I should be happy to be single with every ounce of my being, and right now, I'm not. So, last night, I told him I can't be just a last resort. I can't be his lonely call in the night. I don't deserve that. I can't have my feelings for him affecting myself all the time. I need to let myself in my deepest heart of hearts love me and only me until the right guy comes along. He cannot hold even a piece of my affections. For me to do this, I can't be his friend. I can't text him. I can't go see him at night. I can't let any part of his existence interfere with mine. So, I am cutting him off. I am freeing myself. I will grow weak and want to give in. I will want to answer his text when it comes months from now. I will miss him everyday for awhile. I will be lost for awhile. Even when I changed and grew so much, I held him closest to my heart to never let it change. Now, I need to throw him out. So, loyal readers... I will more than likely be posting a lot in the upcoming months until I get another hobby. Please, be there for me to run to so I don't run to him. Help me make this break final like the other breaks should have been. This isn't giving up. No, this is letting go. That is my anthem right now.