The Best I Ever Had

This song by Gary Allen has been on repeat in my little brain since I happened to stumble upon it last night while sharing music with Paige. The words are absolutely beautiful.

"But it's not so bad. You're only the best I ever had. You don't want me back. You're just the best I ever had."

Before, I would have spent hours crying to this song and applying it to my pathetic obsession with Chris. My feelings were deserved to an extent due to the amount of suffering I went through because of that boy, but I do have the ability to make my own choices and to pull my head from the sand and decide to move forward.

Bad things may happen to me quite frequently, but I will walk through life with my head held high, because I am moving forward and making it through whatever battlefield life throws at me.

Honestly, this spring break has been beyond lazy. But, it is amazingly perfect for what I needed. Besides sitting in my room watching tv, reading, and eating, I have done a few fun things. I went bowling on Tuesday. I have plans to be home this weekend. It is a good break.

Oh! Funny story! So, at the bowling alley, they have stools to sit on. I was waiting for my turn and I had my feet up on the top rung of the stool. When I went to hop down, my feet got stuck on the bottom rung and I face planted onto the floor. It was probably one of the dumbest and funniest trips/falls I'e had in a long time. I looked so ridiculous. I now am sporting a pretty bruise on my knee as a battle scar. The stool may have won this round, but I shall bee back!

So, back to my thing about moving forward. Chris texted me the other day while I was shopping at Albertville mall with my mom and Kirsten and her dad. I responded courteously, but I was curious why he was even texting me. The conversation fizzled, but I texted him later that evening while I was having a little fun with Paige. (Young children... don't text your ex while under the influence of anything other than air). I invited him over. He however, declined. The next morning I sent a text to him saying how I don't want him to come see me. He said you're welcome for not coming over because he knew I would regret it. Maybe, he's not so bad.

We continued texting for awhile. Then, I don't remember how we got to talking about it, but I said it would be a bad idea for us to see each other. I went on to say that even talking isn't a good idea. He said that was ridiculous. I don't know how exactly the conversation ended, but I know I told him that I don't want to see or hear from him anymore.

For me to say no, to send him away, and to actually mean it is a big deal. Chris is manipulative and charming. It is hard to turn him down, but the feelings for him are in the past and that is where I plan to keep them.