I want you to love me. I want you to leave me.
The song keeper by yellowcard is such a powerful description of my feelings towards Chris. I want him to love me, but I want him to leave me too. It's frustrating not being able to decide how I truly want things to play out. I know I will leave. I know he will not love me. I know some part of my heart will always love him unless he changes how he treats me.
Grant it, he isn't always kind, but he is never mean. He is never pushing me away. He just lets me fit into his life when he wants me there and no other time. He never tells me to leave him alone or to move on. He never tells me not to love him. And even after everything... I have never heard him say he doesn't love me. I've never heard him say he doesn't love me anymore. He never even hints at that. His feelings are a mystery that's for sure, but he never denies feelings for me.
This I partially blame for why I can't seem to leave him just yet. He hasn't given me any real reason besides a lack of commitment to leave him for.
So, I will try to include him in my daytime life. I will try to find a ray of sunlight that might just hit both of us at the same time for once in a long time...
I wanna love, I wanna leave...
No comments:
Post a Comment