Right now, I'm treading water in my life. I'm in one place and I'm just sort of floating here keeping my head above water. It's nice not trying to swim against the current for once. I need a break.
School starts again soon. It's crazy to think that I'm starting my second year of college and also my junior year of credits. I'm unbelievably proud of the work I've done to get here and I hope I can continue to excel at my studies while maintaining a job and a social life. We will see.
On the relationship front, there are no new faces yet. There is Chris as always. I'm tempted to do the Hannah thing and talk to him about where we are and whats between us and if maybe there could be something more. However, I know this would inevitably send him away. I'm not scared or worried that he'll leave, because I'm really great on my own. Yet, I like where things are right now. Being in limbo, treading water, with him is just nice. It's comfortable and safe-ish. I'm happy when he's around and when he's not. I enjoy talking to him and there is just something about the way he looks at me that makes me want to believe that he still loves me. But, that is a dangerous thought. I won't even entertain that idea for more than a few minutes, for the consequences on my emotions could very well be devastating if I believed that he loved me.
I do not love him. I do like him, a lot. I find him charming and sweet sometimes. He's handsome and perfect in every way when we're together. When we're not though... I'm not sure about him.
So, I am treading water. I will continue treading water until a big wave comes and makes me move.
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