The inevitable "Hey"

So, whenever Chris and I don't talk or I decide that I'm done caring, he inevitably texts me just one word, "Hey". This has become the most loaded text message I ever receive.

Now usually, I respond and things go back to being semi-normal between us until we stop talking again. Today, that was not the case. After his little standing me up stunt, I'm done. I refuse to cave in to the anxiety that I feel when his number pops up on my screen. I'm not strong enough to stay silent, but I stuck with simplicity. My response? "The person whose number you've reached doesn't want to speak to you."

Call me petty, but I needed to not only close the door on him, but I needed to slam it in his face a little bit at least. I have no intentions of following up with any other witty comments or even acknowledging him if he texts me again. I needed a closing comment that rocked and I'm pretty proud of that.

Over the next months and possibly years, he will text me again. It is inevitable. But I plan on working on the anxiety I feel when his number shows up. In giving myself a new mantra and telling myself that it's just my brain's way of saying this stresses us out and that it is just a reaction that will fade over time if I can remember that that falling feeling in my stomach is dread and not butterflies.

I read this great article on Psychology Today (awesome website btw). It was about way to rid yourself of the dire need to beg, plead, and hang on to an ex. It's a list of different affirmations you tell yourself to calm your mind and body when you get triggered by that ex. Here's the link : http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/laugh-cry-live/201208/coping-distress-and-agony-after-break

One of the best of these affirmations is this "Distance from him is what heals me. Whenever I try to get close again, it’s like picking off a scab and making it bleed. I’m only forcing myself to go through the agony of withdrawal all over again. When a scab has formed, I shall let it heal over completely."

This reminds me so much of how my life is with him. I don't need to subject myself to this anymore. I will keep this in mind in the coming parts of my life.