Friday, September 21, 2012

Having no expectations isn't in my nature.

So, I am very happy with the way my life is going. However,  it is hard to have no expectations or hopes with the open relationship thing. (see previous post). It's not in my nature to not worry and obsess and loop my brain in circles around everything. I just can't accept things as they are and not push for a reason why or what will happen next. Or if something is a change how am I supposed to just let that be?

I'm proud of myself today though. I'm proud for getting up early to shower the sweat of the club off me. I'm proud for finding my way through Minneapolis and back to St. Paul without freaking out. I'm proud of settling things with Dillon and making my wants clear. I'm just generally proud of myself.

Yes, today I feel very anxious and uncomfortable. Will I let that change my day? No way. I'm learning ways to acknowledge my anxiety and then move past it. Meditation never seems to work when I'm there, but afterwards I always feel as if I am more aware of myself.

Alas, the end of the post. Gerrrrr. Homework.

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