Still, he jumps into my mind sometimes. It's getting to be less frequent, but it just throws my day off. I hate that despite everything, I still miss how things used to be two years ago. I hate that it's been two years since we were together. I hate that so much has changed. I hate that love happened. I hate him now.
I wish so much that I would never have fallen in love with him. I hate how much it disrupted my life. I hate that my heart knows Chris as love. Everyone else gets inevitably compared to him and I hate that. Nothing ever feels right. I haven't felt really connected to anyone since he left. I have friends and all that, but no one special. I don't know how to love someone else.
I hate that my life has been so destroyed by him, yet he never once stopped enough to realize I wasn't his anymore. Grant it, until now, I had never really left. I just can't believe that he truly loved me, if he did I feel like he would have tried harder or something!
So I guess I'm healing. Everyday is a step away from him. I haven't broken down yet and it's going well. Sometimes, I just can help but say, I miss him. Still.
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