emotion motivates

In psychology we discussed how emotions are huge motivating factors.

Joy : things which are good for our survival
Things that make us happy motivate us to do them due to the motivation for survival.

Sad : things which are bad for your survival
Things that make us sad are negative factors that influence us to not make that choice again because it is not beneficial for our survival.

These two emotions are so contradictory in reference to one person in my life. He used to make me happier than I have ever been, but he has also hurt me more than anyone else. The question here is why do I make the conscious decision to go see him, when I know it will hurt me later? The answer is psychological.

Fear : things which are bad for your survival
things that cause us to feel afraid are not helpful for our survival. The dark is so scary because our body is not equipped for life in the dark. Fear causes an activated behavioral response which in this case is to flee.

Anger : things which are bad for your survival
Things that cause us to feel anger evoke a different response. Here, we tend to want to fight.

In these emotions, it is fight or flight. I am afraid of being hurt by Chris again. I am afraid of going to that scary dark place where my head floats without a consciousness. However, I am so angry at him that I stay and try to fight. I try to push him to do the things I want. I try to persuade him to come try and see me in the light. I try to fight to save him because I don't want to be sad again if he is really gone.

Psychologically, there are so many emotions that cause a contradictory response and activation to fight or flight response. However, these emotions will never lead us to always make the correct response, but it is the "correct" response to these emotions.

I stood my ground and told him yesterday that I hate being used by him for his wants. I hate the way I cannot say no to him. He has treated me so badly and it is not OK. He does not deserve my energy, companionship, and my physical body. He does not have any claim to any of that anymore. I have to accept these facts : he is not coming back, he is not in love with me, and most of all he is using my emotions to get what he wants. Accepting the facts that I cannot change these things will allow me to consciously work towards avoidance and eventually the ability to say no in every encounter with him. Acceptance is not a psychological piece to this puzzle, but it is the most logical and the most beneficial to my individual emotional survival.