Woah. Time Slip!

So despite not writing for like 3 months, not much has really happened. DJ lost his job in June/July. We've been recovering financially from that. I desperately want to quit Nick U, but bills need paying and I don't have a big kid job yet. However, I did just pick up a second job working at Victorinox, the swiss army knife store in the mall. It pays better than rides and I'm actually not half bad at selling stuff. We bought a new couch for the apartment. It is super sized and ridiculously comfortable. Kingsley is still adorable as ever. We (I) lost our kitty Teddy back in May. I'm looking for a big kid job. We're both working hard. Nothing terribly eventful has happened. OH! We're planning a Disney trip in January :) I'm going to be going with DJ, Mom, Adam, and Nicole. It will be DJ's first time there and I'm really excited to take him. Hopefully someone (hint hint nudge nudge DJ) will have a certain sparkly ring paid off by then so I might get a dream come true disney proposal.... just saying...

But anyways, life is good.

The end of a beginning

I graduate on saturday. I will walk across that stage and get my diploma. I will be the proud bearer of a BA in psychology and english with a concentration in creative writing. I will have completed the beginning portion of my young grown up life. I am now looking at car insurance and possible jobs out of state. Im thinking about marriage, babies, houses, and furniture. My finances revolve around questions like "can I eat more than ramen this week?" And "gas prices went up AGAIN!?!". While it may not sound the most exciting, it is for me. I am living a life that the broken little college freshman I was three years ago never could have imagined. The road to get here has not been easy. I have been broken down and ground into dust so many times I've lost count, yet every time I rise again stronger and wiser than before. I made mistakes that helped me learn. I have made my own decisions against the judgment of those around me and I have proven them wrong. I am thriving. I may not ever be rich, heck with 60,000 bucks of student loan debt I may be poor forever, but I am getting by. I have enough. So graduation is not a beginning for me. Its the end of the start of my life on my own two feet.

Fighting Death

While talking with my mother the other day, we were discussing how the dark days (read: senior year of high school) were survival mode. I was talking and telling Mom that I don't remember much. I remember sleeping in the car because I couldn't move then a week later "waking up" in the psych ward of the ER. I realize that I don't remember that time, but she does. In her eyes I saw just how much pain that caused her as a mother. I saw how helpless she must have felt. I realized to the fullest extent that this woman across the table from me literally fought for a week to keep me alive when, without her, I would have died easily and quickly. I always credit my mother for saving my life, but it wasn't until that moment looking into her eyes that I truly understood the toll this took on her. I didn't realize that my sister's feelings of being forgotten stem from that week where my mother was caring for my life and ignoring everything else. I didn't understand that this woman, this amazing, strong, caring woman, literally kept me alive. She was my lifeline; without her I'd be dead. So in response to this revelation, I thank her. I thank her with every breath I take. I thank her from the bottom of my heart and the darkest corners of my soul. I thank her for everything that she did to save me so that I could live the life I am living so happily today. Thank you Mom.

Busy Busy Life

So in the last month, I've celebrated 3 months with a wonderful guy, valentines day with the same guy (thankfully), and my 21st birthday. I'm almost halfway through my last semester of this undergrad career. I've been pursuing other job opportunities, still to no avail, but I'm trying. (actually that's a little fib. HR really liked me and would have hired me on the spot at my interview but my schedule conflicted with school and their schedule. But i can go back in May and do something then).

It has been a busy month. DJ moved in officially. That is going wonderful by the way. He's a great roommate cause he cleans (I think he cleans more than me actually, but shh I'm leaving that a secret). He's the most wonderful boyfriend I have ever had. He genuinely treats me like a princess, even when I'm acting more like the wicked witch. So that's good. :)

I guess I haven't really needed this blog to air my thoughts so much anymore because I've been too busy to just sit back and ponder. I thought this was bad, but I think it is just a sign that I'm really growing into myself and meeting life head on. I've been kicked down and beaten so much in my life, but every time I try to fight harder the next round. Maybe I'm just finally winning a round. I know that at some point things will get complicated again. I know there is more to be faced, but I also know I am confident in who I am and I know without a doubt that nothing can bring me down too far.

So I wish everyone a safe and happy march and enjoy the funky minnesota spring we have ahead.

Too busy living life...

I know it seems like a cop out to say I've been too busy to write. But it is rather true. I'm living my life and not just writing about everything happening around me. So truth it is.

Collide

The song Collide by Howie Day is a beautiful song. Its lyrics are perfectly on spot with the way life works. Everyone falls down sometimes. There are people we collide with. I feel like this is what my life is like right now. I am on the verge of colliding with the world around me. The near the edge of my seat waiting for the other shoe to drop feeling is exhilarating. I used to be so afraid of changing the little safe place I find myself in, but I just find myself realizing more and more that life is going to collide. I can either run from it or run into it. I chose to run into it. So what if I fall down? At least I can say I took it head on. I am no coward. Bring on the collision!

Long time no write

I know I haven't posted on here for awhile. And there really isn't an excuse except for that I have been busy enjoying my life and working hard. I work 3 to 4 days a week and have class 4 days a week. I have a lovely boyfriend who I try to spend as much time with as I can. I spend time playing video games or playing with my kitty. My life is pretty simple for once and im loving it. Sure, money is tight right now. Its post holiday spending and a new tv purchase that did me in but all in all, I will survive.