Sunday, January 15, 2012

maybe i'm not ready afterall

I was flirting with a boy the last two days. He's up in Ely and not near enough to be anything serious. I like him, but we differ on a lot of things. I thought that maybe I could see where this goes. I like him and he likes me. He's cute, sweet, and genuine. He's a good guy, no hanky panky from him. However, I am laying wide awake tonight tormented by this boy. I'm scared to date again. I'm terrified to be so intimate in my thoughts and feelings with someone else. Chris seriously messed my brain up about relationships, and honestly I don't know where to go from here. I am admitting that I am scared. Doesn't that count for something? Admitting you have a problem is always the first step. So what now world? Tell me where to go and what to do. Am I going to be perpetually afraid so much so that I never date again? I hope not.

I thought I was over chris. I thought I was on the right path to being on my own and finding someone new. I thought I was ready to be emotionally involved again. Since new years I have been feeling every emotion 10 fold because I had been hiding them all away for over a year. It's all so raw. Emotions are scary.

Ok world, karma, God, Buddha, and whatever other belief systems people buy into, what now?

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